Pan Movie Review

Oh, hey there my lovelies, it's been a while right? Sorry about that, I had plenty of problems these past few months but now things are getting better. I'll probably update here more often too, so let's do this!

This has minor spoilers.

Yesterday I found myself eating fro-yo at Go Greek and bored out of my mind after a long day of school, but then I remembered it was thursday; Not that thursday is that good of a day or anything, but it means it's almost friday and also it means new movies are out! So, I jumped on a bus and found myself on the Grove, and bought myself a ticket for Pan. Considering I hadn't checked the schedule, a 35 minute wait wasn't bad at all.

Then as I'm about to walk into my screening I'm approached by this guy who claims to be friends with the screenwriter of the movie. And - God knows why - he starts telling me how his friend was very nervous about the premiere and worried about people's thoughts about the film. So, this guy looks me straight in the eyes and says 'If the movie is bad, it's the director's or editor's fault, you know how those things are'. I couldn't believe there was a man in front of the door doing some sort of damage control before the movie even started. I guess it was a sign.

So, what did I think of it? Well, let's say I didn't know how passionate I was about Peter Pan.

I watched Peter Pan when I was a child, and I really liked it, but I truthfully had never stopped to think about how much I really liked it. And thinking back now, I'm pretty that was one of my ultimate Disney favourites! But let's about this new version of Peter Pan. Yes, new version, not the untold story of how Peter Pan became Peter Pan.

The film stars with a baby Peter being left at the door of and orphanage by his mother, played by Amanda Seyfried - who I had no idea was even in this movie. And that's when my problems with this movie started - yes, that early into it. We see a around 10 years old Peter, playing with his friends, being all cheeky and fighting against the weird nuns that took care of them. What's the problem with that you might be asking yourself right now, well, none apart from the fact this all happens in the middle of World War II. Yes, that's right, IN THE MIDDLE OF WORLD WAR II. Guess what? That does not fit on the timeline! My brain truly almost exploded when that happened, but - somehow - I calmed myself down and decided to give it a chance.

Anyways, in the middle of all that a few children start missing and they're told they're going to Canada because of the war, but Peter doesn't really buy it so he and his friend - whose name I can't recall - decide to find out what's really going on. So, he finds out the Pirates are taking them. And with it came another question: If the pirates are taking kids so loudly during the night how in the world has none of the kids found out about it before? Moving on, we finally arrive in Neverland and it leads to the funniest line in this entire film. Then we meet Hugh Jackman's character Black Beard and they sing 'Smells Like Teen Spirit' by Nirvana. No, I don't understand it neither. I guess they wanted him to sing because, uh- he can? (even though it makes no sense whatsoever within the storyline).

Now, the reason I was even remotely interested in this movie was because of Captain Hook, he's an amazing character and has so much that can be explored, but I guess somebody forgot to tell the screenwriter that - I blame you weird man that talked to me before the movie. They basically destroy him, not to mention he talks in a very annoying way. Also I couldn't understand his relationship with Tiger Lily, that was just wrong.

And with Rooney Mara's character Tiger Lily walking into the screen came back my rage towards this film. First of all, Tiger Lily is supposed to be Peter's age. Why the hell did they cast an adult woman to play her?! Second of all, that's a native character and I don't know if you noticed but like, Rooney Mara is uh, white.

After this I missed about 20 minutes of the movie, cause I fell asleep. And after I woke up I saw the man sitting in front of me had just completely gave up and was trying to find a comfortable way to sleep. A couple a few row down just simply left and the woman in front of me was laughing at things that had no intent of being funny. This says a lot about this movie.

Now, I need you to understand I'm being a bit harsh on this film, and like I said it's because - apparently - I'm a Peter Pan stan, so this was actually quite annoying to me. It angered me. I left the movie theater mad. I hate when movies do that to us! But it's watchable, and I'd watch this over Insurgent or Fantastic Four any day.

At the end of the day, the biggest problem with this entire movie is that it felt fake. From acting to chemistry to CGI to dialogues. Nothing felt real.

If you're planning on seeing this movie, go on a matinee and if you have money too spare, if don't I'd recommend seeing either the Martian or Sicario this weekend, but if you're planning on taking a child, they'll surely enjoy it.

4.5/10